After Death
by Kudatsuo-chan
Summary: Light wasn't prepared for what life after death would entail. He could have accepted the nonexistence of Mu. He couldn't handle this...Post-Yellow Box Warehouse timeline Formerly In the Realm of the Gods


Summary: Light wasn't prepared for what life after death would entail. He could have accepted the nonexistence of Mu. He couldn't handle this…

Warnings: This fan fiction contains themes that may make some people uncomfortable such as but not limited to: yaoi (homosexuality), sexuality, religion, some angst, morbidity, and life after death. I warned you and thus I don't want to hear any complaints about it being yaoi or too religious and some potentially offensive views on mental illness. I do however want constructive criticism; I know that my writing lacks emotion and I am trying to correct that. I am looking for a beta, and if anyone wants to be my beta then drop me a line. I need someone to bounce ideas off of.

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, and the idea that I might is simply ludicrous…and not the good kind of ludacris.

* * *

_Total darkness…_

_Absolutely crushing blackness…_

_Not just the absence of light, but the kind of darkness that one could imagine existing in the gaping maw of a black hole…_

* * *

An indeterminate amount of time had passed since the human Light Yagami's name had been written in shinigami Ryuk's Death Note. It could have been forty seconds or forty years. Darkness that absolute makes it difficult to keep track of time passing. Though he felt it had been closer to the long end of the spectrum. Light himself wasn't even sure how long it had been since he came back to himself.

* * *

_How long had he been aware?_ Those kinds of thoughts were idle…fleeting… unimportant. _Was he aware now? Could you be aware without anything to be aware of? _Darkness was the totality of his existence. The only thing that he knew…the only thing that really mattered. _At least that was what he told himself, when he felt alright enough to lie to himself._

He had thought L's confinement bad the first time around. That confinement had nothing on this. The total sensory deprivation was what made it so difficult to function. _Made it impossible to stay sane._ Stray thoughts found their way to him rarely anymore. The panic that had stricken him when he first came back to himself was crippling, he couldn't breathe, couldn't do anything. Could only feel his bonds. _Gripping. Holding his hands so tightly behind him, that trying to move them even slightly made it feel as if his shoulders would dislocate themselves._

Disorientation had followed the panic, complete and utter confusion as to where he was and what was going on. He'd made himself hoarse screaming for his parents, screaming for Ryuzaki to let him go, screaming…screaming…screaming…

When the panic had finally subsided enough to let him think normally… to _remember…_rage had set in. Rage at Ryuk, the filthy liar, at Ryuzaki, his parents for birthing him, rage at the whole world, at himself for losing, rage so complete that he literally saw red. A bright crimson color that bled into the inky blackness, invading it until nothing remained but the red. Rage sustained him for a long time, but the darkness won in the end, as he knew it must. The inky blackness invading his eyes, boring into them, eating them from his sockets, till there was nothing left there but gaping black emptiness.

_The human who uses this note can go to neither heaven nor hell..._That was a lie. This was hell. It had to be. There was no punishment that could compare to this. No physical torture could compare to this deadness.

* * *

_Dead. _A fresh pang of pain ripped through his chest. He was dead. He had failed in his goals. He hadn't saved the world, changed it for the better. The world was still rotting.

* * *

_Rotting like his corpse._ He was dead. Eventually worms would invade his body and bacteria decaying it slowly from the inside out, until eventually even the bones crumbled into dust and scattered in the wind.

He wasn't anything special, just a human. He was just a normal human who died and decayed, just as everything dies in the end. He wasn't anything…

_He wasn't…_

_He wasn't God._

_No!_

A loud, slow clapping sound came from everywhere and nowhere at once, making him jump in surprise. A sinister chuckle echoed through the darkness.

"Have you figured it out yet, Kira?" His eyes widened as the familiarity of the voice struck him. The voice mocked him, growing in volume, making him cringe, the noise hurting his now overly sensitive ears. "Well Kira? You wanted to experience what it was like to be a _God!_ Didn't you Kira? You wanted to trespass and join us here in the realm of the Gods!" The voice got even louder, rising to what could only be described as a shout. "Now you can experience it all Kira. You can experience how it is to be a God who has fallen out of the public's favor!"

An unseen hand gripped the delicate bones of his throat tightly, choking him, holding him captive. A wheezing gasp was the only sound heard, and the hand gripping his throat tightened its hold slightly until they could hear the bones in his throat popping and his windpipe crumpling under the pressure it was being subjected to. Unbeknownst to Light tears were streaming down his cheeks again, cutting harsh lines down his cheeks, despite the fact that he should no longer have been capable of producing tears; the voice was mocking him again, speaking to him gently, delicately, as intimately as if speaking to a lover.

"The mighty Kira is crying? Is this how you behave _God?_ Is this how you are when you have lost?" Light's eyes widened as he felt someone's breath brush across his face. The hand gripping his throat relaxed it hold, letting him sag to the floor. His hands sprung free from their bonds, falling limply forward. Light suddenly flooded the…space where Light was being kept, making him clench his eyes shut against the knifelike assault of the light.

It was a long time before Light was able to force his eyes to open to tiny slits. He'd been in the darkness for too long. The light was as painful as it was beautiful. Light was unable to think about anything but the pain for a long while. When he was finally able to open his eyes fully, his eyes fell on the person sitting in an awkward position just a scant few inches away from him. He was only able to take in the separate details, not yet capable of forming the complete image that he knew it would form.

* * *

_Wide dark eyes._

_The stooped, hunched form._

_A shock of wild black hair._

_Beaten up old jeans and an oversized white t-shirt._

_The same bland expression that was always on his face when they spoke about anything other than work._

* * *

Light let out a startled yelp, involuntarily jerking forward, knocking the man to the floor. His reddish tinged eyes widened imperceptibly before flickering back to the soft glowing amber color that they used to be. They spoke at the same time.

"…Light-kun, why is it that even in eternity you seem to feel the need to knock me to the floor?" Even the timbre of the voice was the same as he remembered.

"…Ryuzaki." Light's voice was as rusty and hoarse as an antique wheel. He stared stupidly at the detective. His wide eyes struggled to take in all of the detail of the face that he hadn't seen in such a long time. Searching desperately for any difference between this face and the face that haunted his memories. His eyes softened further, as they took in the sight of his first real friend and adversary. Light automatically tried to reach forwards and touch the apparition in front of him, before he realized that he couldn't control his arms. He lost what little balance he'd had at this realization and collapsed in an ungainly heap at the detective's feet. L clambered to his feet and glared at the killer at his feet.

"Did you really think I'd let you touch me with those bloodstained hands of yours, Kira? I may be tainted, but I am still an enforcer of justice, and you **will** have your punishment." Light pulled himself back into a proper sitting position. L's words drew his attention to his hands, finally noticing the thin rivulets of blood making paths down his hands and staining his hands a deep red. As an afterthought L added, in a scornful tone.

"And please don't call me Ryuzaki. After all we are both quite dead, so what use do we have for our pseudonyms? It isn't as if you can kill me anymore. Call me by the name you were so desperate to know. The name by which you had me killed." He said this so bitterly it was hard for Light to control the flinch. As Light hid his gaze, the rest of what L had said, sank in.

"…Punishment?" Light's voice high pitched and thin like that of a frightened child.

"Yes Kira. Punishment. You murdered countless people, you incited chaos, and you_ deserve_ to be punished." The red bled back into Light's eyes, as he let out an angry yell at the harsh accusations.

"I was trying to save people. I was order. I was JUSTICE. Who deserves punishment for trying to save the _world_?" L let out another dark laugh at that.

"Infantile. It seems like your time to think, did you no favors. Your reasoning is as flawed as it ever was Kira-kun. You were nothing more and nothing less than a murderer. You seek to escape punishment because you were _justice_, but you were nothing. Just a childish killer, with a death god's notebook."

"Liar!" Light screamed this word, letting out all the frustration that he had felt up to that point. '_I had to be justified in killing those people. If I wasn't then…' _Panic started to set in again at that point, his breath coming faster and faster, until he collapsed at L's feet again.

"You will face the truth Kira. You will watch those on Earth whose lives you have destroyed, you will watch as Kira fades into the history books, only to resurface when schoolchildren read about your despicable deeds. You will find your redemption! And I will function as the _justice _you seem to care about so much. The justice that you wanted to defend!" Light's vision started to go gray as he continued to hyperventilate, unable to gain enough control over himself to stop.

"You became a vile murderer Raito-kun, and you'll have to come to terms with that eventually." Those words stabbed like daggers, and Light clamped his hands over his eyes trying to shut out the sight of L staring at him in disgust. His shoulders shook, as he tried to disguise the tears flowing copiously from his eyes.

"…Pathetic." L didn't even bother to try and soften the blow from that insult, as the darkness began to overtake Light again, his soft eyes fixed on L's black ones, staying focused there until unconsciousness claimed him again.

* * *

As Light's eyelids fluttered shut, L knelt down next to his former friend.

"Light-kun for a genius, at times you really are an idiot." L's tone was softer than had been during his tirade, gentler than Light had ever heard it. He reached forward and brushed Light's bangs out of his eyes. "It really is too bad. We could have done such good as a team." L's impassive facial expression faltered as Light gave a high-pitched whimper, leaning into his soft touch. L watched his enemy sleep, leaning back on his heels.

* * *

Light's dreams were different, than they'd been while he was alive. More vivid, for one, less grandiose as well, the siren call of the Death Note no longer called to him even while he slept. He woke from one such dream, tears burning in his eyes.

He sat upright immediately, taking in his surroundings in more detail. He was almost surprised to note that his surrounding area was still flooded with light. That the blackness, which had seemed so infinite before hadn't returned in order to drive him off the narrow precipice on which he danced so precariously.

_Back to insanity's waiting arms…_

Light bit his lip nervously, the physical pain focusing his thoughts, making him stay calm. His wide eyes categorized every detail about the room he was being held in. The walls were a bland nondescript grey, the same grey that Light had seen in films about sanitariums. The surface of the floor looked like a cracked, dirty linoleum, which normally would have grated on his obsessive tendencies. Otherwise the room seemed empty, no doors, no windows, nothing to give away any details about where they were. A soft coughing noise drew his attention, and Light's eyes flickered over to where the noise had come from. A slight noise, escaped from him, a breathy puff of air fleeing his lungs. Light clenched his jaw shut, fixing his eyes on L in an unblinking, steady stare.

The two of them stared silently at each other for several long beats before L cleared his throat and said in a conversational tone,

"Tell me Kira-kun, did Light-kun ever regret any of his actions when he acted as Kira?" Light broke their staring match first, his eyes flitting to the floor. He didn't answer for several beats.

"I'd appreciate an answer, Kira-kun." Light looked at L, his face an angry shade of red and an exasperated expression on his face. When he did speak, his tone was combative.

"Why should I tell _**you**_ anything? I don't owe you anything." He glared at the former detective, his shoulders quaking in anger. L continued to stare calmly at Light, his expression neutral. Light's reddish eyes glowed with an unholy fury. He narrowed his eyes in contempt at L.

"Are you asking if I regretted killing you_ L Lawliet_? Why should I have regretted it? You were my enemy as I was yours. You wouldn't have hesitated to kill me, if you had been able to prove that I was Kira, and I could not hesitate to do the same to you. One of us had to win. It really wasn't personal." Light's expression grew more and more disgusted as he continued to vociferate. L smiled that maddening little smile that never failed to infuriate Light and he scoffed lightly.

"First off Kira-kun, I never asked if_ you_ regretted anything. I asked if _Raito Yagami_ regretted anything. Secondly, I didn't say anything about regretting killing me. What was between us was a war, and wars lead to casualties. But the Raito-kun _I _knew, would have felt at least some guilt over the manipulations and cruelty that he had shown (1). And finally Kira, you and Raito are _not _the same person. It was not Raito-kun he leaned over me as I died, grinning because he knew he'd won. It was you Kira."

"…And you call _my_ logic faulty?" Light sneered, pulling himself up so he was sitting on his haunches, in a mockery of the way L usually sat. "If _your_ Raito truly had two personalities he was crazy as well as weak (2). And weakness means you are a loser. Something I would think you would find repellant, with your personality." L sat in the same crouch, pausing before raising his thumb up to his mouth and biting gently on the tip of it. It was several moments before either of them spoke again.

"That's not right…rather…I'm sorry Kira-kun I did not explain myself well. I do not believe Raito-kun had two separate personalities. I do believe that you are the dominant personality that was twisted and corrupted by the power of the Death Note, first Ryuk's and then Misa's." L released his thumb, placing both hands on his knees and staring steadily at Light. "Raito-kun is the personality facet that was pushed aside and hidden after you defeated me. Raito-kun was the person I associated with during the Yotsuba Kira's reign, when you relinquished ownership over your Death Note. Raito-kun was the one I called my friend and colleague."

L suddenly jumped at Light, hooking his leg underneath Light's legs. With a powerful sweep, he knocked Light's legs out from under him and laid him out flat on his back. He leapt onto Light landing heavily on Light's stomach. He sat on Light, straddling Light's hips. He delicately pulled a pair of handcuffs out of his back pocket. As he latched the handcuffs around Light's wrists he muttered under his breath. "And Raito-kun, my dear enemy Kira, needs his chance to speak out against you." He pulled Light's ragged shirt up, exposing his chest and stomach. L grabbed a rather frightening looking dagger from the floor next to the two of them. He unsheathed the dagger and held it up to where Light's heart would be located. He dragged it gently in a straight line down Light's torso and gently laid it on the floor. He pulled back, sitting on Light's legs, watching, just watching, and waiting for something to happen.

Light gave a strangled laugh.

"Well that was dra-" It hit him suddenly. He arched his back as a heavenly fire invaded his body. L launched himself forward holding Light's shoulder's flush to the ground as Light began to convulse. Finally Light screamed. He screamed until his throat was raw and bleeding, and then he screamed some more. He screamed until his voice cracked and finally faded away to a high pitched keening noise.

Whiteness invaded his vision, and then neon spots of color contaminated the white. The pain was so severe it felt as if his body was being torn in half. He was fairly sure being drawn and quartered wouldn't hurt this much. The deadness that was supposed to invade after nerve death never did, the burning just continued, the white hot flames burning him from the inside, from the outside, burning him forever. The convulsions stopped abruptly, as if his body was too tired to even tremble a moment longer. His vision returned as the fire slowly left his body, the pain fading slowly to a dull ache. When even the dull ache finally faded away his vision swam and he passed back into nothingness.

* * *

L released his grip on Light's shoulders and clambered off of the body as a white light glowed from it. The light intensified, glowing so brightly it would have seared his retinas had L still been alive. After a moment the light receded and L sank back onto the ground, watching as two forms lay peacefully on the floor next to one another. He smiled grimly.

"I did not expect that to be nearly so difficult...for either of us. Raito-kun must have truly been well hidden for the Spiritual Severance Ritual (3) to have caused him that much pain. L sat forward staring in interest at the two bodies on the floor.

"and now we wait…"

* * *

(Post-Note/Explanation)

I am so very sorry if I confused anyone with any of this. I will give a brief and hopefully clear explanation of the plot so far, so that anyone who reads this can understand my odd ramblings. Yes Raito and L are both dead. Yes they are in something similar to Limbo, but it is a limbo for people who've had a shinigami or a death note interfering with their proper destiny. I personally do not think that Ryuk would have been well educated on what exists for humans after death. After all the majority of the Shinigami could barely tell one human from the next (excluding special cases. I.e. Gelus, Ryuk, and Rem). For the Shinigami Death might well have been eternity in Mu, however I doubt it.

This specific region that Kira, L and Raito are in is for people who have stepped over the line separating normal people from people who've aspired to Godhood. Other people (victims) will be coming into this story, fairly soon. Raito will be forced to face every single person he killed, or who's destiny he has screwed up. Time is different in this place so eventually even people who were alive at the end of the series in canon will wind up interacting with our lovable idiotic genii. And anyone who is confused as to why L is there, he _is_ acting as Light's guard, but this is part of his penance. His crimes were not as numerous as Raito's but they were still plentiful. He would have wound up there anyway because let's face it. He was involved with creating copies of himself (i.e. A and B). That seems to hint at some delusions of grandeur. Don't get me wrong, I think L was an awesome individual, but I also think he and Raito were more alike than even he knew.

**(1)** This is my theory: I view regular Raito and Kira-Raito as two different people. They are different facets of the same person, but at the same time they are different. Regular Raito is who existed during the chain/Yotsuba arc.

**(2)** Kira is just saying this, it has absolutely nothing to do with my views on mental disorders.

**(3) **Spiritual Severance: This will come into play further in the story. It basically splits the two halves of Light's soul into Kira and Raito.

**This is the breakdown of his soul:**

Light Raito and Kira. Freud's [ego- amalgamation of the two]

Raito Freud's [superego- morals]

Kira Freud's [ID- inner desires]

Please leave reviews they fuel my muse. She in turn forces me to write. I then give updates.

Any criticisms that will help me become a better writer are nice.

Just please don't leave flames. I don't mind criticism, but I want to be able to improve my writing and OMG U SUCK AT WRITING doesn't exactly help me.

See you next time…soon


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